Costellen's Blog

thankful

costellen — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 11:41:57 +0000

i’m glad my parents raised me the way that they did. even though most of the tiime i despised them more than anything else in the world. i;m glad i was taught to care for other people, and to take care of them. I’m glad i was taiught to understand situations, nomatter what they are ,or how bad they are. i;’m glad i’ve learned to take responsibility. i’m glad i understand people. and that god gave me a good intuition, i’m glad that everything happens fpr a reason. i’m glad that i can move on, or at least believe i can, i;m glad i dont give up on the things i care about most. i;m glad that i have patience with jpeople, maybe not all of the time, but most of the time, and always with those i care for. i’m glad i learned how to worry. i’m glad i here, and i’ve met all of the people who have made me who i am. I;m glad.

another day

costellen — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 05:18:00 +0000

I haven’t written on this in awhile, and i just started a tumblr. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet, it’s kind of silly, like status updates, when i’d rather write a lot. I guess since I haven’t written , i should have a lot to say, but at the time I’m not quite certain how to word it. I have a lot of secrets. Lets start with that, from ones that a few of my friends know, to ones that have never left my lips. Am I supposed to feel relieved when i open up to someone? because i’ve never completely opened up to anyone, anyone. And while i’d like to think i can, i know that i can’t. It’s a funny feeling. I feel honest, but nobody knows so many things about me at the same time. Does that mean i really am dishonest? I’m not sure. I love helping people. -so much. I used to never notice it, until it was pointed out many times to me, that i move close to those who need help, those who haven’t figured out who they are, or are just stuck in a rut, i want to help them, but i don’t know it. And then i float away when i feel they’ve learned. Or are satisfied with something, or seem to be on the right path. You know what i mean, right? I haven’t figured out why that happens. Maybe it’s me who is pushing away, because i’m scared? But oh, aren’t we all just scared. The human brain is entirely unpredictable, and while we fail to understand it, in even a fragment of it’s entirety , we reach out to grasp anything with the least bit of knowledge. We need an explanation to everything, like a child always asking why, we are forever that child. the one you would reply to saying “because, because i said so” just to shut them up. but as we grow up, we realize that isn’t enough, that that very explanation slips out of out outstretched arms, and unsettled, we search for more, an explanation, and once again and answer, the answer. But no matter how hard we search, we just stumble upon more questions, and we begin on a journey, and it’s the journey of life, our journey of life.

FUCKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

costellen — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:46:49 +0000

so yeah.

my laptop fell of aisha’s bed

and now the screen is gray with a little blinking question mark

i have nooo idea

but i have the BEST luck…

— is gray spelled grey or gray?

wired website comparisons

costellen — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:44:47 +0000

for wired we are supposed to select two websites whose layout and interface we admire

i chose

www.stumbleupon.com

and

www.blink182.com

on the stumble upon website, you can click stumble, and it will bring you to random websites. you can also narrow your searches to random things you are interested in. On stumble upon you can basically get to anything you can imagine. I wish there were more colors on it though, the page is kind of boring looking.

the blink website has a screen when you first go to it that you have to click on to enter the actual website, and once you enter it, you can do all kinds of things, like listen to music, read twitter up dates, look at pictures and videos and more. I like how the pictures change without me having to click on them.

costellen — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:11:03 +0000

It’s so weird how people leave, and move away, or just completely change, and it’s just the same as if they were gone, and how some people move on and forget about things so easily, but others will never forget, no matter what, and we all just find other people to take the place of those that aren’t here. Sometimes they are better, but sometimes they aren’t either way it’s never the same.
Its like as everyone experiences their “journey of life” to become whatever they are meant to be, they lose more and more people and things that are important to them on their way to succeed…. I don’t understand this “success”. All we do is lose the things we once couldn’t imagine being without, little by little, and then we learn to live without them, and find others to take their place [that we will eventually lose]. …I don’t feel successful.

costellen — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:17:45 +0000

my first flash upload. was a fail. because it takes me too long to understand things because i’m like retarded. so i am going to try and teach myself later.

costellen — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 06:01:02 +0000

i dont know why i keep trusting strangers. again and again. and then i wait. because there might be a possibility, there never is. I hate when you are sad feeling for no apparent reason. like randomly. i guess it’s because i don’t let anything bother me, until it builds up . I feel like i care about people way too much, like more than normal, and it sucks. I’m watching my friends change, but they’re all so far away. I guess that’s what college does, separates and creates. creates new people. the people that they will be for the rest of their lives,the people that we’ll be for the rest of our lives. Maybe i don’t care about people too much, maybe i just have a problem with letting go. I want to go home so much. just to visit. and hug my friends. funny because i was supposed to be the one that was never going to come home. I guess college is changing me too. I think i have bad karma, but idk why. like how i got it. but then again i guess it’s okay because i’m learning about myself. right? you would have thought i would have more figured out by now, but just as i begin to figure something out, another thing begins. maybe i’m not learning about who i am, maybe i am becoming who i am. maybe i am making myself be what i think i am discovering. i dont know. but neither does anyone else so i guess that’s okay.

costellen — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:26:58 +0000

I don’t know what to say to you, it wont make any sense, just one of those conversations that go nowhere, because i give up and forget where i began.

for now i’ll shake my head at you, i wish i could play back the world for you. And everything you’ve ever said, because apparently you’ve forgotten what you used to think, and you’ve become everything you said you never wanted to be.congrats.

i’m blaming myself for this. don’t tell me it’s not my fault. but at the same time i’m letting it go. I can’t do this again, i suck at saving things, saving people, saving you.

belly

costellen — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:56:52 +0000

i have a lot to say but i don’t feel like typing it. so i will tomorrow. love.

costellen — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 05:08:19 +0000

I’m eating clementines. it’s the first thing i’ve eaten today. All i’ve had is jolt, i;ve had too many energy drinks this week. Welcome to art school.